You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
