mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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