I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
