How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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