I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
