there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
