I puked a lego.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
