Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
