just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
