I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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