This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
