he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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