i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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