imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
All the doctor said was why
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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