when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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