Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
