I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
