why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
