i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
