They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
