i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
