Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
