Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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