your parents love me but you hate me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my shit smells like andre
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
