Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
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I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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