remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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