I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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