so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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