Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
