I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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