Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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