A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
