marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Someone came in the potted fern
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
