I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have tasted many bathrooms
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
