Got a toothbrush?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
