I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
