So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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