I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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