Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
