Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
