Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
