Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
