Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
