3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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