Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
