nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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