I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
