I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
