So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
