We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
