Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
