then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
