K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
