my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
