At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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