Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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