Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
