I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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