I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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