i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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