Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
