Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
