Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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