oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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