What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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