Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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