nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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