Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
