I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
